since january 21st, 2024, i have been developing a scratch game which most of my followers know of. it started as a little project that i thought would not go to far, but it changed my life, in a good way, and a bad way. when i started the project, i kind of just gave up after a week, until i had a idea, that i could upload it to newgrounds, and get a bit of traction, so i started working on the first game until i published it on newgrounds, then i finished, and mainly started planning for the sequel during the summer, wih lots of free time on my hands, i drew everything on ibis paint, which upgraded the graphics by a lot, but scratch isnt a website for high quality sprites hat have 2000 pixels each, so ctd ii on scratch does take up a lot of storage if you play. i am still working on the first chapter of the whole game, the reason why its not being worked on as much as before, is mainly because of school, and other personal problems. so it might be done around my birthday if i spend weekends working on it, and having to do ANOTHER project, which is oosa 3, is stretching the finishing process of the game even more.now, how this affected my life in a negative way, is that it brought my grades down, and by down, i mean heavily down, which caused my family to disrespect me, and make me feel horrible about myself, and it wasnt just ctd making my grades go down, adhd made me barely pay attention, and i zoned out in every class i was in, it was like this since 2020 hit, and virtual learning was taking place, and during virtual learning, i did not give a flying fuck about it, so my grades were just going down, i did do some of the work in order to actually not get straight f's, but to have a gpa good enough to be able to not be held back. since then, i have been zoning out in classes all the time, which didnt really affect me too much until from 2023 until now, when i started realizing that i need to get shit into place, and i struggled doing that, but i somehow succeeded. now, in mid november of 2024, i went to a doctor, and he prescribed me with meds, and i do say, these meds helped a lot, i still zoned it in class, but my grades did get better, until it started giving me anxiety, and now i cant say i do have anxiety, because i was never diagnosed, but i was getting sudden panic attacks, and i was more aware of my surroundings, and i always felt nervous during class, and the main thing was around new years, where i didnt sleep from december 30th, to january 3rd, and i can barely sleep since then, during that time, i was seeing people in hallways, hearing random sounds and whispers, and what made it worse is that i saw a dead family meber, standing in the hallway, i was walking to get some water, until i saw him, he was standing there, looking at me with no expression in his face, just standing there, i started crying softly, until i blinked ad he was just gone, i think i just saw him because whenever i walk through that hallway, i always look at this photo on the wall, of his face, and next to it, him with another family member, but they're still alive today. well, thats mainly all today, i just now noticed that i was overthinking, like how the fuck does me making a little game go to me not sleeping for 4 days, thank you for reading this all the way, and thank you for supporting me since i made this shitty account in summer of 2021.
